I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
