So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
should my penis look like a turkey
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
