What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
