I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
