I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
