I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
