NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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