Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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