Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize