Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
