you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
