wrigley field is MILF paradise
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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