soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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