peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize