my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
