I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
