I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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