News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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