Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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