after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
