my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
