please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I met the friendliest cop last night
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
