What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
