Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
