you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize