im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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