I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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