see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
