I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
