Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
