paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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