i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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