At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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