FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
