so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
