Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
