woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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