marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
