toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
