I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I will pee on everything he values.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
