Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
