I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
