If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
