we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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