About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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