I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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