friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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