I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize