YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
