I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
