This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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