There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
