I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
