in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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