You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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