Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
