one two three fourrrrnication!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
