I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
