So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
