Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
