I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize