someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
