Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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