If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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