Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
