Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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