I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
