It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
