She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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