i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
