HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
