Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
