I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
