He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
