You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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