Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
