She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
