Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
