I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
