I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
