found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
