once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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